I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
