i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
