Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
