If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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