She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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