remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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