Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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