Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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