You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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