there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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