Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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