you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
