i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
