Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
