I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
