Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
