this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize