We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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