I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
