Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
