Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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