i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
