Do you still have your period?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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