I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
