my vag is so smooth its legendary
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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