Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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