If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
if only i could text you this smell
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
