The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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