i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
