The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
