There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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