I just cut my nipple shaving
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
