Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
