i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
