Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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