I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
