Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
