he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
