hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
