Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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