i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
This baby is an asshole
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
