is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
