is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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