The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
