You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
