I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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