Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
