while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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