soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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