i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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