I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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