She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
