she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
