I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
