So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
