This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
