shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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