that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
