I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
