I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
