you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
