I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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