I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
