i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
