I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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