those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You dont lie about slip and slides
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
