I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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