She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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