Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
