OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
